JOEY? HOW ABOUT EARLY RETIREMENT?

The thing for Joey Meyer to do, obviously, is to announce he is retiring as De Paul basketball coach at the end of the season, not an original strategy but nonetheless worth a try. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

It worked for his father Ray, who only lost half as many games as Joey has lost already with the same team.

Besides, all the common motivators are used up. Revenge didn’t work. Dayton whipped De Paul worse the second time than the first, and paid its own way here to do it.

The Horizon winning streak is gone, dead at 36. No longer can De Paul depend on the home-hangar advantage, which has always been greatly magnified by the astonishment of visitors realizing they did not have to dribble around parked aircraft or dress like Mr. Goodwrench.

Defending a high national ranking is a memory. That incentive was half gone before the latest loss and is sure to disappear completely the next time AP voters express an opinion on the Blue Demons. There may not be enough fingers on the starting five to count De Paul’s position among America’s college basketball elite.

Even the threat of losing a bid to the NCAA tournament is inconclusive. So many teams are invited to join the march through March that even twin- hyphened colleges that get their mail RFD have booked rooms with running water in Lexington, Ky., where the four finalists will gather in eventual resolution.

By winning just half of its remaining eight games, De Paul can expect at worst to be exiled to some remote tournament outpost, playing the late game against the top seed, a fate usually reserved for the Ivy League sacrifice or any school that has Baptist as a last name.

And who can say that, just as this season has gone exactly the opposite of what was expected, the usual tournament results will not be reversed, too? De Paul losing early is not quite as unusual as De Paul losing late, though it has been done that way, too. In fact, the last time De Paul made the Final Four, that is precisely the way it was done. With eight games remaining in the 1978-79 season, De Paul had already lost four, including one each to Dayton and Western Michigan, a pair of familiar curses.

Edgy about missing the then considerably smaller NCAA tournament field, De Paul worried its way into an invitation, not losing (to Loyola) until it had been anointed. Indiana State and Larry Bird subsequently disposed of De Paul in the semis.

Mark Aguirre’s considerable presence at the time may be enough to make present comparisons seem foolish, though Dallas Comegys and Tyrone Corbin have big enough feet to wear one each of Aguirre’s shoes, and Comegys alone has enough room to share the question mark that Aguirre has never quite been able to erase.

Having Kenny Patterson running the De Paul offense has not proved to be lethal, but one suspects that as a senior, Patterson has somehow regressed to the point where he might not even be recruited by De Paul today.

The important thing for De Paul to realize is that it doesn’t have to look any further than the school yearbook to find the recipe for redemption.

Joey Meyer has gallantly taken the blame for all of this, which is the least he can do, even if he was in the most unenviable of all positions for a first-year coach. Meyer had to start his coaching career without benefit of a single excuse.

Other coaches inherit the mistakes of strangers. They get three years to be repairmen before judgments are made. Meyer took over a winner from a relative. He did not have to introduce himself to his players or his players to his methods, which immediately removed the most handy alibi for failure.

The biggest move he had to make was one seat up on the bench. He assumed a 26-3 team with exactly the same players save Jerry McMillan, who no one imagined would be missed.

Meyer’s mission was to not botch things up, and there is not enough evidence yet to determine whether he has or not.

All that is known is that these players are not performing for the son as intensely or effectively as they did for the father. The present danger is that the De Paul basketball season will come down to an argument against heredity.

PHOTO: Joey Meyer.

ATHLETES JUST NOT THE RETIRING TYPES

The most difficult thing any athlete has to face is that moment when he knows he is no longer able to play the game. Few walk away on top. Some are carried away. Most are simply excused. Occasionally one is ignored into retirement, which is pretty much what happened to Greg Luzinski.

Retirements are, at the same time, not unlike vaccinations. We have to wait a while to see if they take. Any one of us could retire ourselves if we had just had the ice concession for all of Muhammad Ali’s retirement parties. Or half of Billie Jean King’s.

I do not believe we have seen the last of Luzinski, not only because he is visible from so great a distance, but because some American League team will find a hole in its right-handed power before May and remember Luzinski’s roofers instead of his dribblers to second base. Maybe even the White Sox.

For now, let us concede Luzinski’s collision with the inevitable, however it came about.

Great athletes who have quit in their prime can be counted on one hand. Rocky Marciano. Sandy Koufax. Jim Brown. Bob Cousy. That’s it. Think of another one and the next Lite beer from Miller is on the house.

Pete Rose had to beg, take a pay cut and then a second job to keep chasing Ty Cobb. Julius Erving soars only when absolutely necessary these days and is often a fourth-quarter decoy. Franco Harris allowed his glory to be tarnished by strangers. Gordie Howe, for all we know, may still be playing hockey somewhere.

Aging athletes disturb our memories. We would much rather see Arnold Palmer make his first putt than his fourth. Franz Klammer should never have skied again in public after his 1976 Olympic downhill. Reggie Jackson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar ought to always have more hair than the rest of us. Horses have the right idea. Win the Triple Crown and go to bed.

Not all athletes will admit being aware of the exact moment that the end came, but they all know. I remember talking to Bubba Smith and other Lite beer salesmen about this very thing, and Smith nearly broke into tears recalling the end.

“I was only 27 years old,” Smith said. “I went down on a yard marker in Tampa (and tore up a knee). It was so unfair. I never played a full game again. I ended up in Houston as a substitute for my little brother.”

Bernie Geoffrion first left hockey at age 32. He wanted to be a coach, and he said Montreal promised he would take over the Canadiens after some schooling in the minors. “They never called me back,” said Geoffrion, who unretired to play in New York, and did, in fact, coach the Canadiens. “I see they were just pushing me aside for young kids.”

Impatient youth can shove harder than the calendar.

Ray Nitschke is in football’s Hall of Fame. He played 15 years in Green Bay, his last one as a substitute linebacker. “I was cut in training camp (by Dan Devine in 1973),” Nitschke said. “Most of Lombardi’s boys were already gone and I knew it had to happen to me sometime, but it didn’t make it any easier.

“The hardest thing any athlete has to do is realize you’re only on stage for a little while. But, oh, it is so hard to resist taking one more bow.”

Len Dawson was past 40 when he stopped playing quarterback for Kansas City.

“When do you get out?” he asked. “The only guy who can decide is the athlete himself. It’s never a question of how much you’ve done or what you’ve achieved. There’s always something you still have to prove, even if it’s only to prove you can recapture something.

“Then there’s the question of still believing you have the skills. It’s no different for anyone who ever played a game. Everyone plays like that.”

No one put this in better perspective for me than Rocky Graziano, the old middleweight champ, who was explaining at the time why Ali kept fighting.

“A fighter, a champeen,” Graziano said, “he fights maybe 10 fights after he’s through. He fights them for the money.

“Then if he’s smart, or lucky, he gets out. I see old champs all the time. Whadda they doing? They’re caddies, shoeshine boys. I see old champs all the time. Bette”

Bob Lilly, the great defensive tackle for Dallas, admitted he played two years too long.

“I left because I didn’t want to be on the sidelines, waving at the crowd,” Lilly said. “The thing I didn’t want to do was to have a good career and then wind up with people laughing at me and running over me. There’s so much money out there, but money has nothing to do with it, finally. We all have to quit.”

I always believed that Chris Evert Lloyd, for seven years the uncontested best female tennis player on the planet, would walk away on top. The first year she slipped from No. 1, we talked about her choices.

“What I have to decide,” she said, “is if I want to make a million dollars a year but be No. 3 in the world.”

She took the money. They all do. So would we.

Keywords: ANALYSIS

ATHLETES JUST NOT THE RETIRING TYPES

The most difficult thing any athlete has to face is that moment when he knows he is no longer able to play the game. Few walk away on top. Some are carried away. Most are simply excused. Occasionally one is ignored into retirement, which is pretty much what happened to Greg Luzinski.

Retirements are, at the same time, not unlike vaccinations. We have to wait a while to see if they take. Any one of us could retire ourselves if we had just had the ice concession for all of Muhammad Ali’s retirement parties. Or half of Billie Jean King’s.

I do not believe we have seen the last of Luzinski, not only because he is visible from so great a distance, but because some American League team will find a hole in its right-handed power before May and remember Luzinski’s roofers instead of his dribblers to second base. Maybe even the White Sox.

For now, let us concede Luzinski’s collision with the inevitable, however it came about.

Great athletes who have quit in their prime can be counted on one hand. Rocky Marciano. Sandy Koufax. Jim Brown. Bob Cousy. That’s it. Think of another one and the next Lite beer from Miller is on the house.

Pete Rose had to beg, take a pay cut and then a second job to keep chasing Ty Cobb. Julius Erving soars only when absolutely necessary these days and is often a fourth-quarter decoy. Franco Harris allowed his glory to be tarnished by strangers. Gordie Howe, for all we know, may still be playing hockey somewhere.

Aging athletes disturb our memories. We would much rather see Arnold Palmer make his first putt than his fourth. Franz Klammer should never have skied again in public after his 1976 Olympic downhill. Reggie Jackson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar ought to always have more hair than the rest of us. Horses have the right idea. Win the Triple Crown and go to bed.

Not all athletes will admit being aware of the exact moment that the end came, but they all know. I remember talking to Bubba Smith and other Lite beer salesmen about this very thing, and Smith nearly broke into tears recalling the end.

“I was only 27 years old,” Smith said. “I went down on a yard marker in Tampa (and tore up a knee). It was so unfair. I never played a full game again. I ended up in Houston as a substitute for my little brother.”

Bernie Geoffrion first left hockey at age 32. He wanted to be a coach, and he said Montreal promised he would take over the Canadiens after some schooling in the minors. “They never called me back,” said Geoffrion, who unretired to play in New York, and did, in fact, coach the Canadiens. “I see they were just pushing me aside for young kids.”

Impatient youth can shove harder than the calendar.

Ray Nitschke is in football’s Hall of Fame. He played 15 years in Green Bay, his last one as a substitute linebacker. “I was cut in training camp (by Dan Devine in 1973),” Nitschke said. “Most of Lombardi’s boys were already gone and I knew it had to happen to me sometime, but it didn’t make it any easier.

“The hardest thing any athlete has to do is realize you’re only on stage for a little while. But, oh, it is so hard to resist taking one more bow.”

Len Dawson was past 40 when he stopped playing quarterback for Kansas City.

“When do you get out?” he asked. “The only guy who can decide is the athlete himself. It’s never a question of how much you’ve done or what you’ve achieved. There’s always something you still have to prove, even if it’s only to prove you can recapture something.

“Then there’s the question of still believing you have the skills. It’s no different for anyone who ever played a game. Everyone plays like that.”

No one put this in better perspective for me than Rocky Graziano, the old middleweight champ, who was explaining at the time why Ali kept fighting.

“A fighter, a champeen,” Graziano said, “he fights maybe 10 fights after he’s through. He fights them for the money.

“Then if he’s smart, or lucky, he gets out. I see old champs all the time. Whadda they doing? They’re caddies, shoeshine boys. I see old champs all the time. Bette”

Bob Lilly, the great defensive tackle for Dallas, admitted he played two years too long.

“I left because I didn’t want to be on the sidelines, waving at the crowd,” Lilly said. “The thing I didn’t want to do was to have a good career and then wind up with people laughing at me and running over me. There’s so much money out there, but money has nothing to do with it, finally. We all have to quit.”

I always believed that Chris Evert Lloyd, for seven years the uncontested best female tennis player on the planet, would walk away on top. The first year she slipped from No. 1, we talked about her choices.

“What I have to decide,” she said, “is if I want to make a million dollars a year but be No. 3 in the world.”

She took the money. They all do. So would we.

Keywords: ANALYSIS

BASEBALL FINDS A PERFECT GAME

Arbitration has been a part of baseball for a dozen years now, but that doesn’t make it any easier to explain. It works basically this way.

Baseball players don’t have to ask the owner of the team for a raise. They can ask the government.

One considers the wisdom of this arrangement.

The last time I asked the government for anything–a new driver’s license –I got mail for the next two months trying to sell me plastic seat covers.

The driver’s license came much later under separate cover.

That has been my experience with the machinery of arbitration, and baseball players have my sympathy. I imagine the real reason so many of them never actually sit down with an arbitrator is because they have no idea how to fit seat covers on a Ferrari.

Still, 98 players filed for arbitration this year, preferring the modern method of settling contract disputes to the old way, which served baseball diligently for more than 100 years.

Baseball has always resisted rushing headlong into progress. The guiding creed of baseball is to wait before putting one high-button shoe in front of the other. It took the National Labor Relations Board to change things.

This is how arbitration is supposed to keep order in baseball.

A player takes all of his statistics before a stranger who judges whether they are worth what the player thinks they are.

An owner takes his statistics before a stranger, who is surprised to learn that the owner is talking about the same player who was in just a few minutes before.

Batters show things like runs batted in, hits and runs scored.

Owners show times grounded into double plays, strikeouts and times picked off first base.

Pitchers show earned-run average, victories and strikeouts.

Owners show winning runs allowed, losses and bases on balls.

The arbitrator then figures out who is the poorer liar and makes a decision.

Players and owners used to sort this stuff out between themselves. This was before agents and the NLRB started poking around in the grand old game.

The owner would sip his mint julep and try not to look at his watch while the player made his case, and then the owner would decide how much money the player would get.

This seemed sort of one-sided to the players.

Long arguments and holdouts would result, and the best players would generally get half of what they asked for, while mediocre players would be traded to Cleveland.

Not only are things much more democratic now, thanks to arbitration, but the public gets to watch.

In order for arbitration to work, the arbitrator needs to know how much money players of equal ability and position are making.

The owners provide this information to the players’ union, which passes it along to its members.

The players want to know how much someone else is making so they can ask for at least as much money without blushing.

Before arbitration became an annual February adventure, the only people who knew what ballplayers earned were sportswriters, who had heard the figures from the barber of a front-office secretary’s husband.

This was known, in the business, as a reliable source.

Nobody ever thought of coming right out and asking Carlton Fisk how much money he made. Only golfers, auto racers and jockeys tell us that, and we all know what kind of athletes they are.

Arbitration has removed from baseball any reason to be devious, which has changed a lot of general managers into accountants, not a pretty sight.

The only hitch in all of this is that the arbitrator can decide on only one salary figure, either the player’s or the owner’s.

If, as has been determined from a reliable source, Leon Durham wants $1.1 million and the Cubs only offer $800,000, there can be no compromise at $950,000.

The mere threat of an objective judge deciding on the higher figure tends to cause unreasonable panic in front offices and baseless arrogance in the clubhouse.

What happens is players ask for more money than they think they can get and the owners counter with more money than they think they should pay.

And the ultimate irony is that usually the whole thing is settled without an arbitrator.

The player makes so much money he doesn’t have to play as hard as he did when he was poor, the owner cries poverty and raises ticket prices, which he was always looking for an excuse to do anyhow, and everybody blames the government.

I would say the system is perfect.

IF ONLY SOCCER WERE FAST FOOD

Willy Roy believes there will come a day when the name Sting will jerk the emotions of Chicago with as much force as do the names Cubs, Bears, Hawks, Sox and Bulls, but he will not dispute the order of affection at present, even during those nights when his soccer team tempts more folks to the Stadium than do the Bulls.

“I am a realist. I am an optimist,” Roy said. “You can be both.”

Roy coaches soccer for pay, which in this country is an achievement of remarkable proportions. There are barely enough teams left to employ an only child, which is one way to cure nepotism.

“I wouldn’t be honest if I said I didn’t wish we were the first name on everybody’s lips,” Roy said. “But we aren’t. I do think we are a special story. With our competition, not just the Bulls and the Hawks but De Paul and Loyola, to do what we do, I would say we were a tremendous success.”

During Roy’s tenure as headmaster of the Sting, outdoor soccer has shrunk to near invisibility, and indoor soccer is a hybrid scorned by purists, otherwise known as immigrants.

Indoor soccer is pocket soccer, smaller, faster and warmer, and the only version of soccer Americans seem interested in supporting.

“People are always asking me why soccer is failing,” Roy said. “I wouldn’t say that a core of 10-to-15,000 people is failing.”

Official figures place Sting average attendance at 10,162, about twice as much as other soccer cities with similar competition, namely the Cosmos of New York and the Lazers of Los Angeles.

Why does soccer work here better than there?

“We sell a product that is exciting,” Roy said. “Even when we lose, it is a slugfest. I would rather lose 10-9, because at least you’ve learned how to score 9 goals. Nobody learns anything from losing 2-1.

“And I think we represent the population of Chicago better than any other sports team. We have Latins and Europeans and English, somebody everybody can identify with.”

And there is Roy himself, German at birth, American at heart.

“We should never forget we are blessed to live in this country,” Roy said. “Where else can you bitch at the President and get away with it? Do that to Chernenko and you spend six months in Siberia.”

Patriotism has nothing to do with Roy’s exceptional ability to find talent, it would seem, by turning over rocks, the cheaper the better.

“I don’t think life should be measured in monetary things,” Roy said.

Since the last indoor season, Roy has added 13 new faces to his roster of 22. Only Karl-Heinz Granitza and Pato Margetic are big-salaried players. The rest work for modest wages and, more remarkably, work well together.

At the halfway point of this season, the Sting is threatening to add an indoor title to its two outdoor, an unexpected development to everyone but Roy.

“I would never bet against Tom Flores or the Miami Dolphins,” Roy said. “There is a reason they are always on top.”

Translation: Never bet against the Sting or Roy himself. Or the future of soccer, no matter how desperate it would appear.

“I think soccer is exactly right for this time,” Roy said. “We’re on a health kick as a nation. Soccer is the best exercise for the cardiovascular system, you have fun doing it and it doesn’t cost much money.”

Roy is a persuasive man, with strong opinions about everything that has to do with sports in Chicago. “Why doesn’t Ditka throw the ball to Willie Gault more? When are we going to get a decent stadium in The City That Works?” he wondered. You hope he doesn’t resort to the tattered argument now two generations old: Wait until the kids grow up.

Of course, he does just that.

“Our base,” he said, “is the young people. We’re like McDonald’s. When they started, they didn’t try to get the steak-eater. They went for the kids. Look where they are now.”

Not the kids, McDonald’s.

When that argument was first used, today’s 30-year-olds were yesterday’s infant midfielders, and the evidence is that they couldn’t drag their folks to a game they weren’t playing in then nor are they showing up in enormous numbers now.

If every kid who ever stuck his legs through a pair of soccer shorts were now a paying spectator, there wouldn’t be enough room for them all, even if you counted every knee and divided by two.

“Our time will come,” Roy insisted. “I’m a positive guy. There are just too many kids, too many involved. All the signs are positive. Like the Olympics. They drew 1.4 million for soccer, more than all the other sports combined. That has to mean something.”

What it might mean is that soccer was the easiest ticket to get. It was played in the largest stadium and people shut out of things they really wanted to see would resort to watching soccer just to be part of the Olympics.

“We’re going to keep plugging away,” Roy said. “If you plug long enough, you fill some holes.”

BILLY SMITH’S DEED MERELY SELF DEFENSE

The problem with sticking up for Billy Smith is that he does it so well himself. Stick up, I mean. In fact, that is exactly what will put him out of hockey for six games, a punishment most folks in Chicago who follow collision skating consider a slap on the mittens.

Smith, for those who think the only sensible use for ice is to tame bourbon, is the goaltender for the New York Islanders. He wears a cage on his face and mattresses on his hands and carries a cudgel that he sometimes uses to hit a hockey puck. Other times he uses it to bludgeon people, and that usually is good for a stern scolding.

Most recently it was good for a suspension, though the logic behind the censure of Smith is curious. He was determined not to be guilty of actual assault but was held responsible for causing an accident. In the real world, this would translate into manslaughter, had anyone died.

Not that the rules of hockey parallel the rules of civilized behavior. If they did, we would have ice dancing and empty arenas.

A short time back, Smith poked his stick into the face of Black Hawk Curt Fraser, rearranging considerable tissue and causing immediate pain. How damaged Fraser’s psyche is has yet to be determined, though one imagines he will be reluctant to skate into peril face-first for a while.

After allowing nature to knit his face back to some semblance of the one in his team photo, Fraser has returned to combat. Smith awaits his sentence without regret.

There should be no surprise in any of this. Any game that puts clubs in the hands of its contestants invites their use as weapons. Anyone who thinks otherwise will also insist that he can see the puck, which we all know is a fantasy born out of the need not to appear stupid for sitting around watching shabbily dressed Canadians, and the odd American, chase the invisible.

What passes for order in hockey is the penalizing of unsanctioned violence, divided into major and minor infractions. Smith’s immediate punishment for cracking Fraser was minor, 2 minutes of inactivity, served, as is the fashion for goalies, by a proxy whose only crime was to be a teammate. Hockey disciples know this kind of thing happens all the time, and in fact, Smith is notorious for fending off attackers with his stick. Smith is rather a pioneer of the art.

Smith refuses to allow any opponents to camp near the net. He’ll whack them to keep them from coming too close and to keep his field of vision from becoming cluttered.

I think that’s fair.

Hockey goalies have to be the most vulnerable targets in sports. A modern slapshot will travel more than 100 miles an hour, and even when the puck can be seen, it cannot always be avoided. That’s why goalies wear masks. In fact, on the night of Smith’s transgression, Black Hawk goalie Murray Bannerman was excused from the game after being struck with a deflected puck, a natural hazard to which no one raised objection.

Most hockey goals are scored, not elegantly, when a bunch of guys gang up in front of the net, and suddenly the puck comes screaming out of the chaos towards the solitary guardian of the goal.

Even occasional hockey watchers ought to understand that goalies should be allowed to sweep away the debris of ambush.

Though Smith does not move more than a couple of yards all night, he’s more fun to watch than Wayne Gretzky or Mike Bossy or any of the scorers on ice.

I can’t identify with the agility of ice skaters, but I can with the stubbornness of Smith. He could be any of us under attack, turning back assailants, protecting our homes, defending our honor, refusing to cry uncle. There is a nobility in what Smith does and a fascination for the way he does it. Smith attacks from goal. He dives and stretches and smothers and slashes and punches. He is not dainty.

Smith is that marvel of athletes, both hero and villain. It is possible to be both in hockey, if not common.

Hockey is not unlike roller derby. You have good guys and bad guys, and if you confuse your audience over which is which, they will ignore you for comic books.

You picture Smith as the guy who stays behind in the foxhole while medics carry the wounded to safety, daring the enemy to cross him.

Those guys usually get medals. Or eulogies.