Category Archives: Crime

The mugbook is running out of pages for athletes

The mugbook is running out of pages for athletes who are less than they seemed, when great physical achievements are diminished by human weakness. The fault is theirs, of course, but ours, too, and maybe the cereal maker who puts them on the side of the box.

We perpetually wish that the breakfast of champions is not what it often turns out to be.

Those eight gold medals were carefully arranged for the photo of Michael Phelps. Nice picture. As we were reminded by Donald Rumsfeld, it is not the action but the pictures that matter.

And now the other one, the one where it looks like Phelps is swallowing a telescope, rather a device for inhaling marijuana, will not last as long, but it is more recent.

Barry Bonds faces trial soon and Michael Vick is about to be sprung, proving only that the door swings both ways. The brother, yes, the younger brother of Mark McGwire shops the story that McGwire himself won’t tell, about all of it. Roger Clemens? The muck hardens.
So why do we keep this up, those of us who still have the means to do it, glorifying strength and speed and hand-eye coordination? Caution always come later, and as in the case of the Steroid Decade in baseball, without enthusiasm.

We have let Kobe Bryant back in from his brief exile, a prize for being the best player in basketball, just as Michael Jordan was passed without real scrutiny into his gambling associations.
So, too, will this pass with Phelps, a young hero much over-prized and guilty of little more than having similar appetites of the young. There is no designated punishment for being a disappointment.
The list of Olympic champions is rife with vacated victories, some still fresh from Beijing, those who tested positive for performance enhancers, which, by the way, Phelps has not. There must be examples of swimming after pot but more likely nachos after pot.
It is not that Phelps’ indiscretion is a small corner of the very big picture, it is simply that he is not as represented, and that will be something his marketing folks will have to sort out.

As for Bonds, what has seemed endless almost to the point of piling on is about to reach a resolution. Bonds will be officially condemned or officially forgiven, though in the minds of the world there will always remain only the first one.

Bonds cannot get off any more than Tiger Woods can make us forget how brave and foolish competition can make a man. If Woods never plays golf again or can’t play it as Woods again, there will always be that Sunday in San Diego.
The moments that last, that seem pure and clean, are too few to lose, and so we guard them and scrapbook them and are all the more disappointed when they are soiled. We just never seem to learn to separate the feat from the character, or lack of it.

Bonds must now face an accounting, evidence being notes and recordings and whatever was gleaned from the raid of Bonds’ mother-in-law’s house, all to prove that Bonds lied, not exactly the central concern of the sport that passively allowed him to become the greatest home run hitter of all time.
What baseball wants, and what we want, too, what all sports want, is the promise of innocence, never more represented than in the sleek, shaved body of Phelps, in a sport that washes its heroes as it glorifies them, a sport watched once every four years, and only when a Phelps or a Mark Spitz is doing it.

I have passed through the home town of Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes, not the hell hole he described, Belle Glade, Florida. Just another collection of souls and strip malls, supporting agriculture, but no Walmart as he said.

I did not see a single dope seller on any corner, though I may not have passed the right corners, including the one on which Holmes himself confessed to selling drugs. Had it been the reverse, MVP first, drug dealing second, we would be as unforgiving as we are with Phelps.
Timing does matter, then, and the fall is always down, never up.
When Red Smith, then in his 70’s, was asked why he kept writing sports, he answered, “In case I meet another Joe DiMaggio.”

We must keep looking.

AT LAST WE HAVE AN INNOCENT ATHLETE

In this age of the athlete as criminal, it is encouraging to still be shocked by so trivial an incident as a street conversation between a hurdler and a . . . well, let us skip the alliteration in the name of good taste.

Edwin Moses has been found innocent of being human, which is something we have long suspected, since no mere mortal has ever been able to run and jump over portable fences the way he can.

And how fortunate that is, not only for Moses, but for the rest of us as well. We now do not have to believe that Moses is as vulnerable as, say, a common tourist, for such a conclusion would have meant that superior muscle skills have no special value in life, except possibly to change a tire without a jack.

Our illusions are safe because Moses is a certified example that the lessons of competitive sports have not been wasted, or so a jury concluded.

True, the vindication of Moses is of no small importance in the marketplace where his image is sold, but to consider that he subjected himself to intense public scrutiny in order to keep wearing free shoes is too cynical. It is more comfortable to imagine that his good name and his excellent example were more important to him than his endorsements, which, after all, are only money and disposable.

Doubting Moses is as unthinkable as challenging the favorite argument of youth sports: It is better for a kid to be stealing second base than to be stealing hubcaps. We would much rather forget that it is possible for him to do both.

We are routinely challenged to keep faith with the world of games. Too many of our heroes are thieves and rapists and drug dealers. The arenas are full of them.

Our innocence unravels at each revelation, until our only immunity is indifference.

We have come too far from the time when Chief Justice Earl Warren could say, “I turn to the sports pages first. There I can read about man’s achievements. On the front page, I only see his failures.”

We should be grateful that when an Olympic champion is accused of soliciting a prostitute we still have the sophistication and the inclination to separate him from the line-up of scoundrels who consistently abuse our applause.

Among the crimes that most offend modern, or even ancient, society, striking a bargain for companionship has never been ranked highly enough to make a respectable post office wall.

In some places, in fact, such commerce is encouraged and taxed. In most places, it is policed with a broad wink.

Now that Moses is one of us again, a certified good citizen, we are left to marvel at the high cost of conversation, which usually does not increase the later the hour gets.

The most encouraging news to emerge from his ordeal is that Moses is ready to run the hurdles again with new enthusiasm. He is ready to go after a world record, which proves that incentive may be found in the oddest places, Sunset Boulevard certainly being one of those.

One can only hope that the next bored athlete seeking to relight his competitive fires does not resort to the Moses method. Getting arrested and standing trial is no substitute for proper diet, sensible training and a good night’s rest.

Plus, whatever achievements may be gained on the playing field must be weighed against the indelible public suspicion that follows, even if not enough of that same public is moral enough to keep the avenues of Hollywood uncluttered.

Let us not make any judgments on Moses, that having been done by the American judicial system, or what passes for it in southern California.

We can appreciate the precious irony of the whole thing. Moses has been certified a much cleaner citizen than he is an amateur athlete, and under older rules.

Justice and the sports fan have much in common. Both have to be blind.